Every Woman’s 50+ Challenge

Intersecting independence + Interdependence

Although needing some extra help is a natural part of aging, it’s been a tough transition for me to make. And if you were raised in the USA, I’m guessing you can relate.

Why? Because from the start, we crones were taught: "Stand on your own two feet."

For long as I can recall, I have strived to drive in “Independence Lane.” Even
my car is named after that Northern California road sign atop this newsletter (I call her “Indie”). So, turning from Independence toward Interdependence has been an uncomfortable shift.
“Stop!” I hear you warn. “Interdependence is just a woo-woo word for dependence. It’s the downhill road to weakness — to putting the brakes on your personal freedom!”

Until late last year, I likely would’ve agreed. But since then, an onslaught of unforeseen aches, serious pains, and a couple of surgeries have changed my tune to “Help!” (the Beatles) more than my standard, “Thunder Road" (Bruce Springsteen).

Thankfully, I’m well now. But those SURPRISE! health concerns opened my eyes (and mind) to exploring a new route I think might also help you: Interdependence.

Interdependence

It’s a new concept for me, too. But making independence the sole standard for dignity & success is unrealistic—and harmful. If someone needs to reach for help, it causes feelings of guilt, shame, and failure. And sometimes, we all need help!

Interdependence recognizes giving and receiving as healthy, natural parts of life.

After all, we learned to "stand on your own two feet” with parents holding our hands. And generally, we have no issue accepting such “normal”  kindness as friends, neighbors & colleagues offering favors. So, why is asking for help with the challenges of aging and illness so hard?!

Why We Don’t Ask

Again, we go back to that “be independent” mantra we’ve heard since birth. Straying from our culturally engrained path naturally triggers:

  • Fear of being judged negatively, rejected, and burdening others.

  • Perceiving ourselves as weak, old, and dependent.

  • Worrying that we’ll lose our freedom, choice, and self-reliance.

Any of these strike a chord? They do for me!

So, Why Even Try Changing Lanes?

Because, apart from what we’ve been taught, interdependence does not signal the end of independence. In fact, letting others "in" actually enhances our mind, body & soul with positive outcomes:

  • Emotional well-being improves personal resilience and helps alleviate stress, anxiety, loneliness, burnout, overwhelm, isolation, and feeling depressed.

  • Stronger relationships deepens bonds and more positive connections.

  • Greater self-confidence through empowering support.

Plot Your New Course

Whenever we take road trips to unfamiliar territory, it’s helpful to get directions. And for this journey, savvy “tour guides” suggest:

  • Shift your mindset. Accept that asking for help doesn’t diminish your capability or self-responsibility.

  • Take baby steps. Start with simple, non-emotional requests — like asking for advice about a product or help with moving a heavy object. Every positive reaction builds self-trust, diminishes fear of rejection, and prepares us to seek support for more vulnerable circumstances.

  • Test-drive your “ask.” Choose people you already trust. They're likely to offer wholehearted support, which makes future asks feel safer.

  • Express gratitude. A simple “thank you” to helpers goes a long way toward building your support network.

  • Reciprocate. Offering help to our helpers is what separates interdependence from dependence. Even small acts of kindness — calling to ask, “how are you?” or saying, “I’m always here to listen” — signify mutually committed support.

Explore the Road Less Traveled

To be clear... I'm still going to cruise Independence Lane and roll down the windows & let the wind blow back my hair (Thunder Road) much as possible. But when I need someone to raise my spirits, drive me to-and-from appointments, or share a spare room — I'm thankful for learning firsthand: A friend in need IS a friend indeed. And interdependence IS a beautiful route to travel.

Resources for Writing this Article and Exploring Interdependence More